My Big P

 Happy New Year!  We’re off to a great start to a busy year here at our house!  Lots of working and traveling but at least there’s no ice storm this year!  I’ve been thinking about writing the last couple of weeks but have had a tough time thinking of something worthy of writing about.  Not sure what that says about us??  NOW, though, I’m writing about us making it to a new milestone:  5 years of wedded bliss.

Well, almost 5 years….as of January 27^th.  I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by.  I was asking Matthew if he had any ideas on how I should write about this momentous occasion.  His response:  “My big peen.”  Me:  “Alright, but I’m going to need to include a picture.”  Matthew:  “You want everyone to be jealous?”  Because I may want to show this journal to our kids one day and I still don’t have a real job, we better hold off on the racey photos for a while.  So back to square one….

I’m not feeling incredibly clever right now, and sadly, I’ve not had enough wine to make me think that I am, so we’ll have to stick with what I do best – a little sappy and a lot cliché.  Please don’t feel obligated to read on if you’re not in the mood…

If you were to ask me how I would describe our marriage, my answer would depend on the day.  Obviously, I’d tell you I love Matthew and he’s a pretty good guy.  But whether it’s my mood or Matthew’s, the presence of my monthly friend or just a busy day, my answer on some days could very well be, “He drives me crazy!”  Being married isn’t always easy, as I think everyone agrees, but the pluses outweigh the not-pluses any day.

There are a lot of things I like about Matthew.  I use ‘like’ rather than ‘love’ because there are some of his qualities that I admire in any person and together they make up this person who I am crazy about.  First, I think when I tell someone about Matthew, they assume he is a preppy rich kid, probably conservative and self-important.  But anyone that really knows Matthew would say he is anything but this way.   Sometimes when we go to a ritzy party or somewhere “fancy” and expensive, I am embarrassed how Matthew oohs and ahhs so loud.  I think to myself (and sometimes whisper harshly), “Can’t you please act like you’ve eaten a crab leg before?”  When I think about it, though, I’m lucky to be with someone that does not feel entitled to the finer things in life and can still be impressed by something special.  Matthew and I are grateful to have been so fortunate in life, and I love the fact that Matthew does not take it for granted.

Another thing I admire in Matthew is his drive.  More than anyone else I have ever known, when he commits to something, he does it all the way.  When he’s going through a workout kick, reading a book, grilling hamburgers, building a fire, going to bible study, eating healthy, working on a case, whatever, he does it all the way.  And this commitment extends to his relationships, too.  Matthew is an incredible friend to people he’s known since kindergarten and people he’s known for two years.  I’m lucky to be married to someone with this kind of work ethic, and I’m lucky to have a friend that’s the best kind of friend to have.

And finally, to combine everything else in a few sentences….I love how Matthew’s actions remind me just how great he is and reassure me that we’re going to have an amazing life together, no matter what comes our way.  I still feel palpitations when I think about having kids, but Matthew is ready (crazy, right?).  When I see him wrestling with our dogs, though, or visiting with his grandparents over old black and white photos, I know he’s going to be the best dad to our kids.  My best friends and Matthew’s best friends know that Matthew likes to have a good time, and like everything else, when he’s ready to party, he doesn’t disappoint.  (This commitment to a good time affectionately earned him the nickname The Monster in college.  He’s so proud today.)  Now, I will not lie for a second and pretend that I think “fun” Matthew is always fun….like most wives, I’m giving him threatening looks and nagging warnings when he’s headed this way.  But I love that Matthew likes to live life to its fullest.  If we’re at a bar in Virginia Highlands, at a wedding burning up the dance floor or just sitting in our living room watching football (like we are right now), we have a fab time together.  And we laugh!  Not all the time because the day-to-day of life takes up so much of time, but each of us (neither one of us all that funny, by the way) gets tickled by the other. 

I can’t talk about our marriage without talking about what Matthew has done for me.  Of course he has provided for me and stuck by me through graduate school and all that jazz, but I’m talking about how he’s helped me be the person I want to be.  (Yep, we’re headed toward cliché now.)  You know that saying ‘you can be anybody you want to be?’  Well, that doesn’t always translate into big-ticket thoughts, like becoming an astronaut or a brain surgeon; it has a new meaning for me as I’ve realized that I can be the type of person I want to be.  At work, I am a notoriously “nice” person that loves big hair, red lipstick and bright fingernails.  But these seemingly superficial things don’t mean that I am not serious about my job and assertive when necessary.  Although not intentional and certainly not by a single event, Matthew has helped me mature into a professional woman that I am proud to be. 

Matthew is not one to divvy out compliments flippantly.  Don’t get me wrong – he’ll tell me I look pretty or say dinner is extra-good sometimes – but our house isn’t a shower of you’re-the-bests.  And even still, and perhaps because compliments are so heartfelt, Matthew has instilled a self-confidence that I am not sure was fully developed when we got married 5 years ago.  He reminds me that my opinions are well thought out and that they matter, and he encourages me to speak up for what I believe in and what I think is right.   I will be forever grateful for this boost of confidence now, and I know I can count on him to be behind me from here on out.
 

There’s a scene at the end of Dirty Dancing where Johnny is speaking to the crowd about Baby and says that she has “taught him about the kind of person he wants to be.”  The movie’s a tearjerker because you know they’re about to dance together despite their social class differences and do an above-the-head lift that takes your breath away.  But I really appreciate this quote now, reflecting on my 5 years as a married woman.  I am a better person because of Matthew.

This blog is getting pretty lengthy so I need to wrap it up.  I want to make it clear that I do not think what we’ve got is better than other marriages – I just want to give the thumbs-up to mine in honor of our anniversary.  Matthew and I are headed to Mexico in two weeks to celebrate!

To Matthew, thanks for everything.  Here here to the next five, big guy!  To Mom and Dad and Sandy and Rick, we owe it to you guys for setting great examples; Matthew and I agree that we did not appreciate your relationships until we were married ourselves.  To the rest of our family and friends, thank you for your encouragement and support all the way. 

Best wishes to everyone as 2012 gets rolling! 

Until next time, sending love,

The Spiveys