I’m back, people! I haven’t written in a while because I feel like I haven’t had anything too thoughtful to say. I refuse to blog just to blog and bore myself and you with a commentary about my favorite tv show or a gripe fest of work. Great writers can’t force their works of art, right? Secondly, I feel like I have stuck to “safe” topics…nothing controversial and nothing that anyone may see from a different perspective. I find people that try to be controversial annoying, but if I’m going to be a real blogger, I’m going to have to step out of the safety circle eventually. This blog is hardly controversial, but I’d say it’s less “safe” than the others.
Many of you know that Matthew just finished trying a case in TN with his dad. He left for Kingsport last Friday and returned to Atlanta yesterday, a week later. With the exception of his trip to Ireland and my trip to Africa, this was the longest time we had been apart. Against my efforts, I really did not like being by myself. (Realize, I did not say I missed Matthew. I did, of course, miss Matthew, but not picking up after him and not having to worry about what we were doing for dinner every night was kind of nice for a few days. I know the married people understand.)
Getting married at a young age is frowned on, or at least scoffed at, by a lot of people these days. I think that when people meet me and notice the rings on my left hand, they assume I am the stereotypical child bride – married to my high school sweetheart, content to be completely dependent on my husband and determined to have three kids by the age of thirty. This assumption is confirmed when they learn that Matthew and I are from the same small town and I have a distinct southern drawl (otherwise known as redneck twang). I can actually remember a particular instance when I felt that I was being viewed as some backwards mountain girl on an adventure in the big city. Sometimes I even sense that certain people from Kingsport and friends that have known us for years turn their noses up against commitment at such a young age. I know I should not be concerned with what others think, but nonetheless….
I have worked hard to counter these assumptions. I have prided myself on the fact that I have finished graduate school and continued to work throughout school. I am quick to let people know that I didn’t give anything up by getting married young; I’ve still done everything I wanted to do. I really am open-minded about most matters, but maybe as a defense to what people think about me, I am more vocal about them than I would be otherwise. I am quick and tough to point out that just because I am a wife, I do not have to do certain things (i.e., wait on Matthew, be the one to do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, etc.). I certainly don’t think that getting married right out of college is the best and only way to do it – Matthew and I just happened to find each other when I was eighteen years old. I daresay that I do not even need Matthew but that we consciously make the decision to be together every day. We choose our life.
I mention all this to say that I was a little disappointed in myself when I realized that I was lonesome over the past week. What kind of independent woman can’t even be alone for one week? I saw my parents over the weekend when Matthew was gone, and I interacted with lots of people at work the other days. I’m not afraid to be at home alone and I sleep just as well in bed by myself. So what was it? I do not have an answer except that maybe I was just missing the comfort of my routine. Whatever the reason, it is okay. I don’t think that I can completely drop my guard, but I do know that it’s perfectly fine that this is the way we chose to start our life together. Trying to make others see that we have not conformed to their expectations is a waste of energy; all we can do is know that we made the best decision for us. And neither one of us has regretted it ever since.
Until next time, sending love,
The Spiveys
