Last Saturday kicked off a big week for over 2000 young women at the University of Tennessee. For half, it’s a week of nerves and doubts and sometimes tears, and for the other half, sorority Recruitment is a week of being “on” for the potential new members and being excited about the competition of which chapter will get the “top girls.” This is on my mind because my sister, Mollie, is following in my footsteps as Assistant Recruitment Chair of the Omicron chapter of Alpha Omicron Pi in preparation to fulfill the duties of Recruitment Chair her senior year. I have been disturbingly giddy as I’ve exchanged text messages with her this week. I mean, a grown woman, a life of my own in another state, and I’m thinking about college rush. What can I say? I can’t help it.
Even with the inordinate amount of time I’ve spent thinking about how much I would love to be there with Mollie this week, I still find myself conflicted about feeling this way. I rushed before my freshman year of college because I never thought that I wouldn’t; I didn’t give it too much thought beforehand. If I knew nothing about sororities, or had not been in one myself, I think I would feel very differently about them. First of all, the idea of a ‘sorority’ is right up on the list of antiquated women’s traditions with beauty pageants and teaching little girls to shake their bottoms. As a general principle, I’m against these practices that are belittling to my kind of people.
Secondly and more importantly, a sorority has a certain exclusivity that is largely based on the superficial. Panhellenic has tried to make the process seem more tasteful by using words like ‘Recruitment’ instead of ‘Rush’ and ‘young women’ instead of ‘girls’, but if we’re all being honest, it is still a crude process of talking to someone for a couple hours over the course of a week and deciding whether you want them in your club.
As I was thinking about my internal conflict on these issues, I thought to myself, can I defend a sorority? The die-hards would say that a sorority is about meeting your bridesmaids and serving your communities, about undertaking philanthropic purposes and promoting the university. I cannot disagree with this wholly; I think fraternities and sororities are excellent institutions to make changes and promote causes on a local level. Sorority girls are certainly not like they are often portrayed in movies – pillow fights and painting each other’s nails or requiring hazing periods of circling fat and forcing promiscuity. They are just real girls trying to find their place in a new situation.
I’ve thought about this issue a lot this week, trying to pinpoint what exactly it is that I love about my sorority. You don’t put 150 girls together and not have some differences in personality so it’s not that I think I have a pledge class of girls that I could call anytime in the middle of the night. I knew a lot of people from home and make friends easily so it’s not that I needed a way to make friends. And I was involved in other things at school and worked in a pharmacy so it’s not that I needed another way to fill my time. Here’s the two things I’ve decided: I love Recruitment because it’s a week of parties (recruitment parties, not party-parties), and I love AOPi because it’s where I made my best friends.
Recruitment….People not in sororities cannot appreciate the hours and effort put into preparing for the week-long process. At UT, there are four rounds, beginning with over 1000 young women who are whittled down to about 200 by the last round. Each round serves a different purpose, is supposed to be a platform for different conversations and requires different décor. Each sorority room (because UT doesn’t have sorority houses yet) is decorated to the corners each round. The first round is more laidback and casual, and the decorations are cutesy and fun. By Preference on the last night, all the members of the sororities wear cocktail dresses, and the rooms are decorated with crystal and extravagant bouquets. While the idea of having to deal with all this madness in one week seems exhausting to some, I loved getting everything ready, making sure everything was perfect for the big show. I loved how everyone came together to pull each party off and so many people got to enjoy the results of all the hard work. Maybe I should consider it a guilty pleasure because I know it’s silly, but I loved and still love the idea of it all.
And for the friends….When I went to the pledge retreat the week after my Bid Day, there was this girl with big ol’ curly hair in coveralls, and I remember thinking to myself, ‘omg, I’ve picked the one.’ Four years later, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. For someone who talks so much, I have a hard time articulating how I feel about the friendships I’ve made over the last 8 years. To us, our sorority was about getting to know each other on our way to pledge mixers. It was about chitchatting and laughing until we cried as we walked for Marla or the Arthritis Foundation or the Jingle Bell Run. It was about Tour de Franzia in Massey, running back from Carnicus practice to watch The O.C. and pomping our fingers to death for Homecoming floats. These girls are the kind of friends that all parents hope their daughters find. One may have just gone through a rough break-up, but she is still tickled pink that another is planning her wedding. We get decked out in our hottest outfits to go out and then scoff at any guys that try to ruin the good time we’re having. One may keep making the same stupid mistake with boys, but she’s got 11 shoulders to lean on time and time again. We are genuinely happy for each others’ successes and share each other’s hurts.
All 12 of us try to get together a few times a year. Not everyone can make every reunion, but whenever there’s a group of us, it’s like nothing has changed. As we’ve gotten older and added real jobs and husbands and 1 baby, our situations and perspectives have changed. After a movie and a couple of bottles of wine in June, my friend Whitney and I were talking about our little clique. We talked about how, unfortunately, our 12 lives were going to be difficult sometimes; there will likely be lost jobs, divorces, deaths of relatives and diseases. We may be separated by distance, but like a marriage, we’ve got a bond that can weather any of these storms. And on the flip side, these people will be the first ones I call when I find the job of my dreams, and after my family, they’ll be the first to know about my first baby.
Sunday was Bid Day, and I get a mushy feeling inside when I think about the big adventure that awaits those freshmen. I remember thinking when Mollie was about to start at UT, “you have no idea that you are about to have the best time of your life.” Whether it’s a sorority, a sports team, or just a group of random roommates, college is an opportunity to find yourself and meet the friends you can’t believe you made it 18 years without. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone should take college as the opportunity to find his or her own sorority, whatever it may be.
Until next time, sending love,
The Spiveys
