I said to my mom last week that I feel like there are so
many people hurting right now. The local
news talks about the depressing unemployment rate in Georgia, and the national
news is worse with unimaginable human rights violations. I read Sarah Good’s CaringBridge site about
her daughter’s fight with cancer and watch people fight for their lives on a
daily basis at the hospital. While I complain
about being at work all the time or bitch about the handymen that have been
working on my house, some people would do anything in the world to have my life
right now. And yet I spend so much
unnecessary time worrying about things I cannot control.
A week ago tomorrow, Matthew’s uncle, Don Spivey, lost his
fight to lung cancer. The Spiveys are a
close-knit family, and the service was tough, as it is for anyone, especially
someone who leaves us too soon. The
weekend was filled with good memories, though.
At a family get together the evening before the service, we watched old
videos (VHS!) of Don as a younger man.
They captured his fun-loving personality - I hope that the ‘older’
generation remembers him this way. We even got a kick out of the fact that he was
laughing his ass off as the family was dealing with the logistics of his
passing.
One thing that I appreciated about Don as I got to know the
Spivey family better was the fact that he always seemed genuinely interested in
my life. When he asked, “How’s school?”
he wanted an answer, not just a, “Good.”
He looked into my eyes and dug deeper if appropriate and often offered a
humorous piece of advice. Matthew went
home to see Don as it became obvious that his days were getting fewer, and even
then, he was asking Matthew about Atlanta and work and my job and our plans for
the future. Don spent his adult life
encouraging the youth of Kingsport, and even on his deathbed, Don was concerned
about making others feel good.
I started reading the CarePages site of Megan Gaddis about 4
years ago. Megan was a 26-year old
teacher in Atlanta and an inspirational young woman in life and death. Her family attends our church, which is how I
became aware of her story. Her mom kept
a blog as her daughter slowly passed away of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. Although I never met Megan or her mother, I
was especially moved by their story and rarely read an entry without tearing
up. I know that everyone has a different
opinion and view on life after death, but reading Mrs. Gaddis’ writings are
certainly a point in favor of the big man upstairs.
As I reflected on our family’s loss this weekend and thought
about the pain that is a burden to so many right now, I was reminded of an
entry in Mrs. Gaddis’ blog. I’m not quite
sure why this particular story hit me in the gut, but I have carried it in my
mind since I read it in 2008….
“At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven
or hell when I die.
He was out there sort of like a president. I
recognized his picture when I saw it, but I really didn’t know Him. But later
on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride,
but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me
to pedal.
I don’t know just when it was that He suggested
we change places, but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, I
knew the way.
It was rather boring, but predictable…
It was the shortest
distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful
long cuts, up mountains, through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I
could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness, He said,
“Pedal!”
I worried and was anxious and asked,
“Where are
you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t
answer, and I started to learn to trust, I forgot my boring life and entered
into the adventure.
And when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch
my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey,
my Lord’s and mine. And then we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away; they’re extra
baggage, too much weight.”
So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in
giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my
life. I thought He’d wreck it; but He knows biking secrets, knows how to make
it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how
to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the
strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my
face with my constant companion, Jesus.
And when I’m sure that I cannot do it anymore,
He just smiles says "Pedal."
(author unknown)
It is easy for us to trust in God’s plan for us when His
plan seems to be in line with our own.
But if Mrs. Gaddis can seek joy and stay strong in her faith in Him as
she watched her young daughter slowly die, then I should be able to do so when
I feel frustrated about my hectic life or anxious about my next job.
I am taking a deep breath right now and remembering that I
have so much to be thankful for. I am
going to make a point from now on (ok, I’ll start with this week) to take some
time to do things I enjoy – take some time to cuddle with my husband and sing
my favorite song and laugh out loud and read a good book. I hope that I get to the point of giving over
total control. I pray that those who are
hurting find comfort in their trying times and can find some enjoyment in their
own lives. This life is good, and the only thing we can control is the way we take it.
Until next time, sending love,
The Spiveys
